Now I don’t normally talk about films much, except Malcolm & Marie of course, but this film had a lot of my community rattled so I thought why not. I’ve heard a couple people discussing the film and even talking about the different reactions if it was people of colour in question. I understand the different upbringing and so the thought of black people being more “tight” about their money, but I’m quite sure Simon had swindled a black woman amongst her Caucasian counterparts. Now me personally, just from past experiences even when watching this I was on edge because the whole time I was saying “this time you’ll call and he won’t pick up” or “this is not going to end well” or “you’re not getting that money back sis”. Maybe it’s because men make me so paranoid but if it was me in that situation I just couldn’t get played like that, my character just doesn’t allow it. For instance: I don’t lend out money if I know it’s not something accessible short term - so I can make it back easily - I wouldn’t take out a card in my name for someone else if we weren’t even married, I wouldn’t even become the girlfriend of someone I’ve been talking to for a month. Some may say that money changes everything but no amount of money dangled in front of me would cause me to lose my morals, plus I prefer to work for my own. It makes you more appreciative. Even when the check bounced and she got so fed up and blocked him, there’s no way I’d block him, if you can manipulate so can I. Love can cloud your judgement but once I’ve been betrayed? You can forget about all that loyalty ‘cause I won’t rest until what’s rightfully mine is given to me. I don’t understand either how the second woman in question, his “friend”, could be so naïve. I get that he has also spent a lump sum of money on her in the past so she technically felt obliged to help, but help doesn’t mean taking away from money you plan to put towards an apartment. Maybe I’m a bit too self indulgent but if my pocket cannot provide the help you require that’s where it ends for me, I’m not going to the ends of the earth for money for someone who’s supposedly rich. I wouldn’t even say their friendship was that valid because it was based on their fondness of money, another reason as to why he believed she was accessible for his ponzi scheme. You have to take into account that the first woman took out so many loans between 9 different creditors, even if I was to have fallen for it the first time I wouldn’t let it repeat itself because that’s literally your credit down the drain. There’s only a certain amount of trust you can have in someone and reassuring sentences don’t go a long way for me if you have my money. Overall though the film was good, I wouldn’t watch it again though because it’s mentally draining and I did fall asleep near the end. But in terms of entertaining it did what it was supposed to do. Tinder isn’t an app for 2022 - Miriam.
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THOUGHTS AT 1AM.
My wrongdoers genuinely think they’ve gone Scott-free and it’s so cute, but it’s not me that will repay you, just pray on that life of yours sha. On a very serious note though, I don’t think people understand how REAL karma is. I’ve literally stopped repaying people where I physically can’t. As much as I might want to hurt you back, what I have to do in order to actually hurt you may be beyond me, and that’s okay. The battle isn’t over because I’ve decided to choose peace, but if his girlfriend has all of a sudden cheated on him, who am I to complain? And the best thing is, I didn’t have a hand in any of it. Pain comes in all shapes and sizes. This might seem so bad mind but people actually wonder how I so casually choose peace majority of the time. It’s definitely not easy and there have been times where I’ve let people get the best of me but that’s also okay, because I’m human. I’m bound to react at some point when I’m sick of taking people's shit. But I’m just not as low as some others. Now I don’t know why it has come to this but I honestly need to address this. LEAVE PEOPLES MAN ALONE, goddamn. boy to boy some of you females need humbling. As in it’s not even ordinary people's boyfriends or exes, your friends? All I know is there’s 3 things that you need to have in this life: Manners Composure Decorum Don’t tell me you have one without the other, they literally go hand in hand. You’re telling me you have composure but you’re catting over next girls man? Where are your manners? I mean where are your standards?? One thing I will never do is stay where I’m not wanted, please some people genuinely need to learn how to do this because quite frankly it’s just not good for your health. And after being shameless you’ll still go and sit beside your “friend”; able God, don’t come near me with that energy. Something I envy about male relationships is they don’t betray one another yet females find this so hard. You wanna do something that might upset your friend - you shouldn’t even be considering it I'll be so real but each to their own - fine but talk to them????? Not everyday take matters into your own hands abeg. This female population will end us all - Miriam. Once upon a time I was a very friendly guy and now, well now people don’t approach me anymore.
It’s not ‘cause I’m capable of rudeness - everyone is -, or I have an unpleasant resting face but because I just make myself unapproachable I’m comfortable in my people, I don’t like new guys in my circle. Obviously there’s a reason for this, the iconic story of I used to think I could be everyone’s friend and the mass showed me the angles. Because really and truly your close friends are the ones who are loyal to you, and you can’t be close friends with everyone, simply not enough time in the day lol, I get frustrated with the 10 friends I have. But another reason why you can’t be friends with just anyone is because people in your life have a purpose, the people that don’t will eventually drop out because alongside being a bad friend - which comes naturally to them - they have no benefit to you whatsoever. Finally not all people are you people. I know a lot of cool people, but we’re not close friends cause they’re just not my type of people you know? Not to say they’re bad companions or anything but they’re just not my type of companion. It’s not just relationships you can have a type with. I do think though that our first heartbreak has to be with a friend, because any other way is really damaging to your upbringing and mental health. To me I’d prefer to learn that people aren’t guaranteed from a friend than a family member or a relationship. These days everyone is so ignorant to advice because independence is so much more publicised and people believe they have to do everything by themselves, yet I always tell my people whether I think someone is genuinely not good for them it’s up to them whether they listen because I’m not an “I told you so” type person. Personal Growth is important. Burn or get burned. To be honest I never used to think I had that within me, that “ruthless” behaviour, but trust be it benefits you more than you think. Society doesn’t care, music doesn’t know, you are really your own hope in this battle of survival of the fittest, so survive. I might be being a tad hyperbolic but genuinely shit hurts so protect yourselves. Storm Eunice doesn’t care either - Miriam. Happy valentines day!
To all couples & to single people too, even if you haven’t found love in someone else I hope you can celebrate today for the love you have within yourselves. It’s actually valentines day and I’m having that feeling but for once, it’s a little different. The other day I felt like I came to a realisation that my loneliness isn’t in vain, it’s me wanting to impress myself. I meet so many people that can fill the position I desire but because they’re not my spec, or to a standard that wouldn’t disappoint me I don’t pursue it. Now I have done this once, pursuing someone not of my standard - below of course - and I think it burns a little more when someone you don’t usually go for attempts to also hurt you as if they’re of that calibre? I hope that makes sense. I respect myself enough to at least get hurt by someone I can look at and be pleased with everyday. Anyways, enough about this love ick stuff, I talk about it inadvertently because sometimes it makes me sick when I’m too clear. Recently I realised that being broke causes temporary depression. I’ve been working hectically over the past couple of days, despite the back & feet pains I actually appreciate work because it makes me appreciate materialistic things much more. The fact that I earn whatever I own and provide for myself only motivates me to be successful. Either way the feeling of getting back to being busy again excites me slightly, I’m just terrified of how much effort I’ll have to put into training. Mentally though, how are you? I know before I got back into the swing of things I was a bit of a Debbie downer. I didn’t fully go down that spiral thank God but I was definitely not in the best shape mentally. I was talking about it in the blog “2020 2.0”, honestly I’ve moved into a better space but I don’t think I’ll ever have the motivation for school, that place will never ever receive all my energy. On a brighter note though, we’re coming to a year next month of running this blog page and I just wanna commend myself for not taking any breaks. Normally I take breaks from things that stress me just to focus on my mental health, yet with this everything that stresses me gets put INTO this. Some people may not want to hear about my problems all day, but hey some others do. Haven’t really decided what I’m going to do for the one year special, but as long as everything goes to plan there will definitely be something to look forward to. Brain Dump - Miriam. I’m mixing two blogs this week, a little something I wrote at the end of last year to commemorate my 365 days, and something more recent. I woke up this morning a little later than usual, I missed my last training session of the year but that’s okay, only because I realised I’ve truly done enough this year. It was only this morning that it came to my attention that I had bodied 2021 and it had never even crossed my mind because I was always thinking out what’s next to accomplish, or how hard I’m gonna work to get something else.
See how I said I struggle to live in the moment? This is proof of exactly that. But I’m not necessarily going to beat myself up about being absent minded towards my successes because I’d prefer to let them build up and then reflect. It would be an injustice if I didn’t say well done to myself for consistent hard work this year. I’m going to showcase more of my inability to live in the moment by saying that I’ve got tons of things planned for next year. I took to my notes to write down a bunch of goals for 2022 obviously taking into consideration that I might not be able to meet them all, and I’m perfectly fine with that. This year I: Started my blog page Became a 2 time published poet Started for an athletics team Started working Kept my school grades up to a T and I complained less than the average person would about school alone. This year exemplified my dedication and drive when I want something, if I want it I will have it no matter how hard I will have to work for it. Something I did notice though within my surroundings is, I know people who work much less harder than me but are getting what I want easier. I do understand the work smarter not harder complex but it’s not that. It’s not one of the “-ism’s” either if that’s what your minds rushed to. These other people had the upper hand with familial stability that I had to install within myself. So I constantly remind myself that if I can’t get it for me, no one else can. This year showed me that I had to dwell in my capabilities rather than my inabilities because one day, I will be able to do it all. As much as I may feel like I’ve centred what’s coming to 365 days around my people, I actually haven’t. It’s been about me, and that’s how it’s supposed to be. Tell me, what have you done for yourself this year? I talk a lot about finding myself and how I re-learnt a bunch of things about myself which helped me get through some stuff, in detail of course, but I really just realised that because I change doesn't mean everyone else does. Changing your attitudes towards life is one thing, but having a detox from those who surround you is different. I used to, and a lot of people still do this I'm afraid, live to what other people desire. To put my psychology knowledge to use this is called, demand characteristics. It's more often applied to studies of human nature, but technically this is a "study" of human nature. Besides the fact this trait has been discovered by psychologists, doesn't mean that it's a cycle that can't be broken. Find yourself, find some help, or quite frankly find a corner. I really believe in people acknowledging the consequences to their own actions and so you should really take into account how your behaviour affects other people's livelihood. I wrote a poem quite recently called 'Select Your Disguise', it was based on covid but surrounded by the idea that civilians have become so comfortable with hiding, it's almost second nature. As if, if they don't hide there'll be a larger issue at hand. But it wasn't just their families that they were hiding from, they were hiding from humanity, responsibility, real interaction and most importantly, themselves. Understand that it's okay to be unsure about your current life, but also understand that the only way to move forward is to try and accomplish a couple things that will set you in the right direction. Knowing yourself, more than anything, helps you overcome hardships so don't restrict yourself to a psychologist's norm. So technically I'm telling you in a really nice way, to recognise who you are and stop living to other people's standards, it does nothing to help you progress in this life. Recognise your W's and be original - Miriam. Catching covid opened my eyes to not ever wanting to lose my busyness.
I know that if I ever was to quit the things that keep my life both interesting and busy I couldn’t keep myself comfortable all day. I love my company and all don’t get me wrong but even for the rest of my time in school I can’t live this way. Not getting up for training, not getting up for school, writing TOO many blogs that I’m literally just rambling is not a life I want to live. Talking about that actually last month I was exploring different ways to expand my blog page, different directions to take it into but things literally kept getting in the way, for example I applied for adsense - I said I wasn’t going to talk about it until I got it but at this point I’m never getting it so I might as well talk about my multiple fails - I’ve been denied about five times so far first 2 were for different reasons but then it was just the same reason over and over again. The thing is I would’ve applied more times than five, but it’s that 3 week waiting period in between that pisses me off. Why wait three weeks to tell me my page lacks content? It’s a real bummer receiving that email I can’t even lie. I’ve wasted about 4 consecutive months applying for this shit. Anyways I wanted to flesh out my webpage by adding a few new components but I can’t even do that unless I properly invest money into it, money that I don’t have because my job isn’t stable and adsense won’t accept me. Do you see the cycle? The adsense isn’t really for me, it’s to reinvest into the website and the fact that I can’t do much to change this instantly proper makes me feel stagnant in what I’m doing. I want to keep pushing out content but here’s another problem, I’m kind of scared of running out of things to talk about. By now you can tell I’m not the type of person that really blogs about societal issues just because I like to add experience and stories to every blog I write, so it all resonates to me somehow. It’ll come to a point where I either get real comfortable here - which I can tell I kind of am already, because when do I talk about my fear of failure? - or I just wait for my life to get interesting which by nature will slow my release rate. Because of this little mental spiral having covid and all, I spun into my quarantine behaviour from 2020. Hence 2020 2.0 Me personally I like a pattern within life, just not an unhealthy pattern. I find myself tired all the time without having done much, I’m either overeating and sleeping or under eating and sleeping, there’s no in between. I’m so ready to get back to my life, getting covid slyly humbled me I’ll be real. Feeling like I have nothing to do for the day bums a person out just because you end up indulging in the things that aren’t good for you. We’re beginning February after our trial month of 2022 being over and my calendar is scarily empty, pretty much the only thing on there is valentines day which I can’t even celebrate. I’m hoping my calendar picks up during the month because I’ve never had a need to see my calendar full before in my life but it’s a necessity now. In the beginning months I essentially find myself inadvertently manifesting what I want for the year, so here goes nothing. I NEED BUSYNESS ALL 2022. I NEED PRODUCTIVITY ALL 2022. I NEED MONEY ALL 2022. I NEED A SOFT LIFE ALL 2022. I’ll take a look back at this blog nearing the end of the year just to reflect on how my year went and whether it picked up or not. I find that the end of the year is the most progressive for a lot of people majority of the time. Here’s to 2022 being nothing like 2020 - Miriam. |
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