I don't know whether it's just me but with all the manipulators I know, they can never accept the fact that they actually manipulate people, it's like telling someone that they're a whore, in the nicest way possible of course, but it's a fact they can never seem to accept either way. I've never understood this though, you do things that blatantly represent this characteristic, to deny you have it? I just don't get it because you'll have witnesses pulling you up on specific scenarios, but anyway what's a manipulator without their lies and secrets.
A lot of people don't realise they've been manipulated till long after that bond has ended, I find it crazy because I personally cannot let go of any type of relationship without distinguishing whose fault it is, natural causes isn't a thing for me. And yes, I do understand growing out of one another but that technically means you've either both shared the blame or you're inadvertently saying one of you is still stuck with a childish mindset. In this life I always find that it's the men that make me seem like I'm mad. 24s. Because Miriam isn't allowed to have a valid argument now? Or any woman in general? A man not comprehending what I mean is one thing, but disregarding what I mean is another. If my opinion doesn't co-align with yours that does not mean it is invalid, that is rather all the more reason to examine your argument. Something you don't agree with purely exists because you haven't proven why it shouldn't. I speak on men specifically because we've had this long equality battle and yet they still see us below them, to some aspect. But in general the discriminatory attempts to exclude people because of your sole belief, falls under the category of manipulation. Now if you've been manipulated that does not mean your vulnerable. I see that people would rather use their relationship with you to MAKE you impressionable, not because you are. Forcing someone to believe something, especially about themselves, is a manipulative ability. Stop lying to me, I'm an overthinker - Miriam.
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Life as an overthinker.
Many of you are attacked right now and I do apologise if this seems very personal but that's none of my concern, we all need to fix up if I do say so myself. One of the things I find myself overthinking is my interaction with people and whether the fact that you haven't replied to my message in ten seconds means that we can no longer associate ourselves with one another. On a serious note though in my world anything you say or do is a sign and I find myself delinking a lot of people purely because I read between lines that weren't there. Like even to link back to my previous blog when I said I struggled with talking to new people, I had disassociated myself with that male for no apparent reason, but I always make up a little something in my head. Trust me my friends tell me, I just don't listen. Something about being an overthinker that just PISSES ME OFF, is being proven right. These mixed signals that my people will tell me that I'm reaching for, or those sly jokes made at my expense that my friends will tell me I'm bugging over, when I'm proven right? I GO MAD. Here's why I don't like to be proven right:
Now when I am overthinking I find myself racing through a number of emotions, I could've received the happiest news and in the space of a millisecond I've already got pessimistic views. What if this, and why not that, sometimes I find it really irritating that I can't just live in the moment. I could also blame me being an overthinker on the reason why I was toxic for a really long time because the lies I loved to feed myself to TRY and live in the moment was crazy. There's a clear line between fantasy and reality. The maddest thing is that, I want to hold myself at this high pedestal and not "stoop to other people's levels" but since when was that a bad thing? As much as I tell others, once in a while step back and view life from a simplistic perspective, it's sane and calming. Currently I am nurturing myself to understand that there is no need to force maturity, as I evaluate life, life also evaluates me. Just take a step back - Miriam. I really feel like I need to introduce this topic because I promise I'm not reaching for anything that crosses my mind.
A couple days ago, well, a couple weeks ago, I was thinking about you know an old fling that I had with someone that I actually ruined. Which if you haven't realised is quite crazy because things rarely ever fail because of me, it's always the other persons fault, or maybe it's just the guys I talk to. But anyways, long story short I hit him up with the attempt of rekindling but I got closure. CLEARING THE AIR IS A SCAM. Now obviously if I knew he was going to do that I wouldn't have even gone there but that leads onto my first question, is closure really necessary? Personally I'm in between, closure give the incentive that whatever was had is officially over, otherwise you're kind of left in limbo. But I think that most people, depending on the situation, could actually go without closure. There are certain relationships or "situationships" you don't seek closure from for hope or just hope it doesn't make it worse. Here's what I was frustrated about though, the closure wasn't really closing? I don't know if it's just me but I just can't let little things go if they aren't done the way I want it to be done, so if you're ending things end it how I want it to be ended or I'll never really feel like things are over, even though you may no longer be accessible to me. Really and truly the only time I'd accept it is if we were better off without one another. As I said before, clearing the air is a scam. There is absolutely no reason to reconcile with everyone you fall out with and I've learnt that the hard way. Give people the closure they need even if that's more than what they deserve so that sleeping dogs can lie peacefully. I just don't know how to talk to new people - Miriam. |
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