I’ve come to you guys this week with an update because although I’ve been dropping, everything has kind of been pre-released so not reflecting what I’ve been experiencing. This blog will be a little all over the place but that’s where I’m at right now.
I actually want to start with talking about the purpose of my blog page to make it a little clearer to some people. This section of my blog is essentially my personal diary, some things I share with relent and others relentlessly. But using my blogs against me? Something I find hilarious. Content creation can be backed up for time, if I never began this by saying it was an update for all you guys know this was written 2 years ago. It’s really important to not take content too seriously because unless you know me personally, I’m telling you there are so many exaggerated truths. And that’s the truth behind content creation. But speaking on things being personal, recently I’ve been choosing selective information to actually open up to some people about - kind of just to gauge a reaction. I want to dish a little incentive of what I’m dealing with around to see if I’m either over or under thinking it. Talking to some people is just like talking to a brick wall, but also I never want to feel like I’m burdening people (I’m sure I’ve said this in another blog) with my issues. Because I’ve become such an open expressive I’ve genuinely been wondering if I need therapy, it’s a big step and I’ve just been mentally battling about it but I’m learning not to become so consumed with my opinions alone; it’s good to hear from others, I promise. Alongside talking to my people, I’ve been coming in contact with some cool people in the industry. I feel like I say this a lot - maybe not documented here - but some “famous” people are actually not what they’re perceived, in a good way though. To this day it still baffles me how people find my content like obviously I promote it how I can but, always seeing new people tuning in warms my heart. Sometimes I forget to promote myself before my friends who are doing amazing things, but having people who actually find me and what I do interesting is honestly what keeps my flame alive. Keep stalking my writing Instagram I have no problem with that - just leave a comment will ya? On my Instagram, I had posted a poem called, “Path to Sobriety” and I’ve realised slowly but surely it’s beginning to reflect my life a lot more. At the time of it being written I had some resonation to what I was mentioning but not necessarily all - yes that is a picture of me smoking in the back but that has nothing to do with what I’m saying. I just feel like on this journey of cracking both my past and present open, I’m relying on a lot of other things to help me with this. To keep sanity, motivation and dedication towards this I find myself seeking ‘sedatives’. I believe I’ll find a way to figure this out as I say for everything. Lastly I quickly wanted to touch on the fact that recently, everyone’s been starting podcasts. I love podcasts dearly, trust me, but the surplus has honestly given me a headache because I feel like there are a lot of the wrong people picking up microphones these days. No shade to myself because this is something I’ve also been considering just in a much different way, but it’s put me quite off to be honest. I’ve been podcast streaming for 3 years now, and 3 years ago was my first incentive to start my own podcast. But 3 years ago did I have my own website? No, and so I never had a platform/knew this was the avenue I was to follow through with. I also think the original podcasters deserve their flowers and some more because a lot of the new gen hardly recognise them. Don’t get it twisted though there are a few podcasts that were established much later that I listen to, but they wouldn’t be where they are if not for the firsts. Anyway, I might start doing quarterly updates just to build up some events to blurt and keep you guys in tunes with what I’m experiencing & noticing. I hope this blog had a nice flow to it because in my head it did - Miriam.
0 Comments
One of my new year goals was to read my bible and get closer to God, and I think I’m doing just that.
Recently I’ve been reading my bible a lot more - I say this now but the past two days I haven’t picked it up - the point is more than I ever have before. From a learning viewpoint it’s teaching me a lot of perspectives on life that I’ve never thought of before. I’m learning the customs behind some things we do that I just see as normal, for example, circumcision. Until the other day I didn’t know that this was what represented the covenant between God and Abraham. Nearly everything I’ve read so far I’ve found a way to apply it to my current life and situation. I even read this part in Proverbs 1 I believe, that surrounded this idea of us as Christians always being in between two realms - either battle or blessing. This covers the acknowledgement that either are temporary and the bible teaches us how to deal with either accordingly; so blessings don’t turn into battle yet, battles turn into blessings. I think this is so relatable and yet I never even realised it. After I read it I thought ‘sometimes I feel midway’, not necessarily blessed but not in battle either, yet after pondering on it it’s come to my attention that our biggest blessings are not being in battle. An indication of God understanding that some of us aren’t his strongest soldiers - and sure enough none of us are Jesus - and gracing us with a break, which we just see as peace. Today has even been a weird day, one of those inbetweeners where I sense neither stage prominently but something apparent happened today. Writing this the date is currently Friday 13th January 2023, Friday the 13th has a stigma of being a bad luck day - but in fact this date, in April, was when I was born. And overall, can I just say today has been a real whirlwind of emotions? The first thing that happened to me was witnessing someone share their testimony. Now their testimony wasn’t surrounded around religion, rather a recap of their hardships in an attempt to inspire other people. There was this analogy used that I physically can't get out of my head, it was about our life essentially being a bottle of water. With this bottle of water we have to pour out some - parking a few of our experiences & difficulties or just hobbies - to make space for current affairs. If we avoid this system we end up overflowing, which is unnecessary and avoidable for everyone. So when an experience that I’ve parked overcomes me, I just try to pour it back out. The second thing was, I saw two people I haven't seen in over 6 months and one of them said to me, “I heard you’ve been getting on well Miriam.” Now mentally my instant response was no it’s been hell but instead I just said, “I’ve been trying.” I didn’t see it then, but at that point was my acknowledgement of all the good in the bad. In teachings of sexual sin there are talks about condemning ourselves in states of guilt, shame etc. Letting battles cloud over us consistently is not what God wants for us at all. Aside from these two things though I also realised something else. Before writing this I didn’t understand my emotions or perspective on today, it just felt ‘weird’ and that’s the only way I could think of it. But why is that? Because my emotions are clouding my judgement. Yours are too. I’ve come to see that me writing stuff down has become a format of getting to know myself a bit better, and therefore my readers are getting to know me too. If I sit and think, I can be selective about what I choose to think and unconsciously block the ideas I would never want to explore. Yet when I write it, it’s an expression of emotions I wouldn’t have recognised otherwise. I’m learning a lot and I just wanted to share that with you all. I feel like there’s this taboo with turning to religion after committing specific sins, at that point those who are ‘innocent’ of such feel as though they can pass judgement because it’s only now you’ve realised religion is important. Personally I see it as I had to go through what I did when I did in order to reach a stage of growth and understanding with myself. Truthfully, God knows that if I never got a taste of some things aside from the punishments I would always lust for it. And lust is as good as sinning (Matthew 5:29-30). I genuinely used to wonder why people were so passionate about spreading the word of God, but now I’m doing it so effortlessly. It’s not even because I am trying to convince people to join my religion or show off the fact that I am taking this seriously but rather that I find it so fun to engage in conversations about Christ and talk about how certain things in the bible resonate with me. I feel a desire to share my testimonies. Anyways, that’s it from me today. Pick up your bible, I’ll do the same - Miriam. I spoke about setting goals for the new year but let’s break that down to avoid that vagueness.
My goals come under 3 categories: School work/th3writingspace personal (religion, sports, fitness and social media) With school it’s more concerning keeping up consistent work and beating what I’m currently attaining - and continuing that cycle. Then doing some extracurriculars to add to my current achievements so I can build my academic repertoire. Thewritingspace takes up most of the space to be honest - as I said in the last blog - I’m very/somewhat detailed with these goals to create clarity with the tasks. I’ve got new things I’m trying to implement, milestones I want to reach and also ventures to get paid. Personally though, I want to get back into running track - so that means I also have to see the gym more, not so excited for that but we’ll meet it when it comes. I mentioned romanticising my life more; just doing more things that are selfish and for my indulging only. I think it’s important this year that we all put ourselves first because we’ve all seen some hardships over the past couple of years. I also want to get closer to God, at the moment of me writing the goal I would say me and God’s relationship was very weak. But as I’ve started reading the bible more and praying more meaningful - and somewhat formal - prayers I feel closer to him already. I refuse to believe it’s this easy to speak to God and be God’s friend and I’ve refuted it all this time. Lastly I put having less of a social media life - I had this as a goal last year but I think this year is slightly different. I will still try to minimise my media consumption but in terms of the difference, nearly 3/4’s of the people I used to interact with last year I have no trace of on my socials this year. I think that speaks for itself. From my perspective, the first day of 2023, these goals are all very attainable. It’s up to me and discipline - amongst circumstance - to actually achieve the things I desire. To me fleshing out my profile🥂 - Miriam. |
Archives
September 2023
Categories |