Taking the energy and commitment to focus on myself is something that I dread a lot.
For instance I never wanted to leave my last relationship because I didn’t want to deal with having to get over someone, and I thought I was doing myself a favour? The things I tell myself. Currently I’m trying to muster the energy to focus on myself for real, no strings attached to anyone. Just building myself up, that’s it. I will busy myself with writing but I can’t write all the time, and having minimal hobbies makes you realise how much you need people as entertainment/place holders. I dread committing to myself but yet I say I love my own company, from my own perspective I’m just making less and less sense. Considering this isn't a blog I've written in one sitting I've made some developments since I began this, which was about 3 or 4 weeks ago. Quite recently I've just fallen in love with myself and began to appreciate myself more, I realised that the more you love yourself the higher your value is. So how much am I worth is the real question? A pound or two? thousand or three? Or am I just entirely off limits? Honestly I don't know but I feel like I'm in a place where I could make the discretion of whether someone is worth my time. That being said I've been getting the ick a lot recently. Getting the ick is basically just a millennial term of being put off of someone so after all, is my price too high? Nearly everyone I talk to gives me the ick and I feel like I do it to myself sometimes because I seek those conversations that are potential deal breakers. I hope that make sense. But that's just me at the end of the day and hey, if you don't like to bond over musical expertise then we were never right for one another. Another analytical day - Miriam.
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With all that has been said on this topic The Dependant Series is coming to an end so let's recap. So far I've spoken over:
- Friend Dependants - Family Dependants - Love Dependants But do I even feel as though I need any of them? Personally I believe that you can reach purpose without someone, depending on someone can easily be perceived as burdening. Now in this day and age independence is only ever becoming more prominent because no one wants to be a burden and "doing it on your own" is much more advertised and applauded. I could really do without friends and a love interest but I know my life will only lack depth. Other than seeing your dependants as cushions, see them as people. As people they can provide much more for you other than just what you require. Friends and family are not worth forsaking to showcase this televised struggle life that many aspire to have. It's crazy to say that actually but many people desire to struggle just so they have a better story to tell later down the line. I specify not forsaking friends and family because they are the dependants I'd much rather to have. A love dependant to me is pointless unless I'm 100% dedicated and love takes it time to find you whereas you'll always have your friends and family, through thick and thin. All in all do I need dependants? Yes, would I swap the ones I have currently however is a question for a different day. The Dependant Series - Miriam. |
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