When did I stop being so argumentative?
I feel like a lot factors into this conversation, I didn't always want to be the black girl in class going back and forth with someone across the room, yet it was fun. Although sometimes arguments are healthy, what are we really arguing about? I learned the true art about listening and coming to grips with the fact that I can't be right forever, that is, if I was even really right in the first place. So when and why did I stop being so argumentative? I don’t remember a specific moment but I think it was when I had exercised patience enough to the point where I no longer cared, or at least seemed as if nothing bothered me. But you see, there's no balance in that. I think amongst that I began the fray the lines between what is really important to me, which battles to pick and which to leave. I used to love debate, the thrill of it all had my heart race and a million thoughts drive by a second. Not that I dislike it anymore, I just prefer conversation. There’s a large line for me between arguing, debates and conversation. An argument with me wouldn’t guarantee a change in my perspective. Arguments get very heated and are more based off of experience than any real factual evidence. A debate is much more healthy, I depict it as two sides going against each other to develop their opinion, possibly even coming to a mutual agreement. All without causing any animosity between the two. A conversation is really just a conversation. It could go either way, whether you choose to take part in that conversation, well that’s a decision I avoid a lot of the time. I don’t like the uncertainty, conversations also have the nature of getting very heated and, to be fair, I haven’t been angry in a while. I’m very selective in the conversations I include myself in, that’s why I like them so much. An unhealthy habit I'm currently trying to unlearn is reacting for the sake of it. Sometimes there are issues that I have with people that I feel like I have to be dramatic about because that's what any normal person would do. I don’t want to slip into the the spiral of what really is being normal, but you’d think there are some lines that could be crossed which would make a person tick. Not me though. It takes me a long while to react, so much so I’m only realising the depth of an issue time after. I would be okay if this wasn’t a constant thing, but it is. I hate the thought of someone else feeling my emotions for me, but I’ve almost become so numb to the world around me it takes longer for me to process things. It wasn’t always like this, and I don’t know which way I’d prefer because I think either skill is necessary. Me Vs The World - Miriam.
1 Comment
nikol
28/5/2021 07:10:14 pm
wow. i love how all that you write resonates with me!! this is all so true, something i also wanted to add is that it is so hard to react in a situation without there being a negative response from the other side. sometimes, i wonder, whatever we do, can we ever please humans?
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